FBI’s Top Hostage Negotiator: The Art Of Negotiating To Get Whatever You Want: Chris Voss | E147

In this episode of The Diary of a CEO, Steven Bartlett sits down with Chris Voss, the FBI's former lead hostage negotiator and author of the international bestseller Never Split the Difference. The conversation explores how negotiation principles learned in life-or-death situations can be applied to everyday business dealings, career advancement, and personal relationships.

Voss takes Steven through his journey from joining the FBI to becoming the organization's top negotiator, handling countless high-stakes crises that taught him profound lessons about human behavior. Rather than relying on aggressive tactics or positional bargaining, Voss emphasizes that successful negotiation is fundamentally about understanding the other person's emotional state and perspective.

One of the core themes throughout the episode is the critical importance of listening. Voss explains that most people approach negotiations with a mindset of wanting to be heard rather than wanting to hear, which is a fundamental mistake. By shifting focus to understanding what the other person truly wants and needs, negotiators gain significantly more leverage and influence.

The episode features a practical hostage negotiation roleplay between Voss and Bartlett, which brings his techniques to life. Steven plays a difficult subject, and Voss demonstrates his signature methods in real time. This includes the technique of labeling pain, where a negotiator acknowledges and names the emotions they perceive in the other person. Voss explains that when someone says "that's right" in response to your labeling of their situation, you've achieved a psychological breakthrough that creates genuine agreement.

Voss also discusses the power of mirroring, a technique where you repeat the last few words or key phrases someone has said. This simple act of reflection builds rapport, slows down conversations, and encourages the other person to elaborate and reveal more information. He contrasts this with traditional negotiation advice that focuses on winning or getting the best deal, arguing instead that the goal should be creating understanding and reaching agreements that both parties feel good about.

The conversation extends beyond high-stakes crises into everyday applications. Voss discusses how these negotiation principles apply to romantic relationships, business negotiations, and salary discussions. He shares instances where negotiations didn't go as planned, offering candid insights into the challenges of maintaining composure and emotional control under pressure.

Throughout the interview, Voss emphasizes that negotiation is not about manipulation or winning at someone else's expense. Instead, it's about creating a collaborative environment where both parties feel respected and understood. His work with the FBI's Black Swan Group, which he founded after leaving the bureau, continues to teach these principles to business leaders and organizations worldwide.

This episode provides listeners with actionable negotiation strategies they can implement immediately, whether they're closing business deals, asking for a raise, or navigating difficult conversations in their personal lives.